


The Monster in You

by BardofSomerset



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Character Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-31 05:14:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3965734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BardofSomerset/pseuds/BardofSomerset
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short character study of Natasha, post AOU. Brief mention of Natasha/Bruce.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Monster in You

**Author's Note:**

> I was musing over Natasha and all the (valid) discussions about how her character arc is both important and problematic, particularly in Age of Ultron. I was just trying to work out how I felt about it for myself - no one else has to agree with me - and this is what came out.

_Do they start that young?_

Because you were a human once, but they put you into a lab and made you into a monster. They scooped you out and carved a new creature in the space that was left. Every choice you should have had the right to make – to be a child, to be a parent, to be a civilian – was shattered in the sound of violence and you couldn’t even recognise it. You killed and you burned but you didn’t see them die. They didn’t give you the choice to care. You chose that later.

_Do you know what it is to be unmade?_

All those creators you could have been: the ballerina, the inventor, the doctor (the people you might have been – not the masks you throw aside). All those families you could have had (or not, if you wanted). All the red you’ll never escape, even if you try (and how you’ve tried). You can’t undo any of that; you can’t ever unmake what they made of you, but you can pay it back. Show other people’s secrets; save other people’s victims. Lie to the God of Lies until he tells the truth, because you never can.

_Are you sure you’re ready for the world to see you as you really are?_

You have nieces and nephews, a family home where you’ll be welcome any time. You have friends – not just comrades but friends on your own terms – friends who are lost and have lost nearly as much as you. Friends you can learn to trust with your life (even when they don’t trust you with theirs) and who can maybe even acknowledge the parts of you that you thought couldn’t be seen. The vulnerable and the empty parts of you. The murderer and the mortal in you. The old loneliness bleeding in you.

_I owe him a debt._

Not love, because love is for children and you were never a child, but maybe affection (that’s new), and maybe there is a debt, paying back those who saw the human in you by seeing the human in him.

By accepting the monster in him and the monster in you, because monsters can be heroes, even when they destroy. They have to be heroes. Because that’s what you choose.


End file.
